You’re pining after somebody new

You delay going home

Listening to him is a chore

You feel guilty around his family

You won’t inconvenience yourself to see him

You feel sad after sex

You aren’t even together when you’re together

People are surprised you’re in a relationship

Your friends are dropping hints

You love when your partner travels

Saying, “I love you” makes you feel dead inside

You fight more than you don’t

Doing favors for him bothers you

You’re phoning it in on presents

You’re envious of that happy couple

The post Signs Your Relationship Is Over, Even If It Isn’t appeared first on MadameNoire.

Credit: Kunle Ayodeji

The post Beyond Classically Beautiful Presents Body Noire 2: A Celebration Of Black Female Bodies appeared first on MadameNoire.

Image via WENN

The latest season of “Orange Is The New Black,” season 5, was released last week on Netflix. And after the death of Poussey in season 4, some of us are either excited to see what happens or weary about the ways in which that particular scene mimicked what’s happening in real life.

Interestingly enough, Danielle Brooks, who plays Taystee, on the show, felt both at times as she took on such a pivotal role in season 5. In a recent interview with Entertainment Weekly, she spoke about how the similarities between her character’s story line and real life headlines have often left her heartbroken. But she also shared the sense of hope both she and her character Taystee have for the future of this nation.

Note: Some of the questions and answers from the interviews contain spoilers about Season 5.

EW: The season’s been out for a week now. Have you had time to watch it? How do you feel about it?

DANIELLE BROOKS: Yes, I have gotten to see season 5. I’m very proud of the work that myself, the cast, crew, and writers have done this season, especially because it parallels the world that we live in. Actually, today I got a little pissed off, honestly—I just heard the news on the radio about the Philando Castile [case] and the officer being acquitted. I just appreciate the show speaking to the issues that we’re dealing with. Right now, my heart really goes out to the Castile family for having to feel like they’re not getting justice for this senseless death. That’s sort of where my head is right now, and it kind of sucks because you’re telling this fictional story for six or seven months, embodying what it is to lose somebody and what is it to fight. Then, this season comes out and here we are with another situation where justice is not served. So, my heart is a little heavy right now, to be honest.

EW: While you were filming the season, was it hard to go from reading these tragic headlines every day to performing these scenes where Taystee is fighting for justice— and at times in vain because of how rigid the system is?

DB: Yeah, it’s wicked how the system works. It was challenging. We came back in July 2016 when the Philando Castile incident occurred, so we were going right into work dealing with that particular incident. For me, my work was sort of done. People always ask, “How did you get into character? What did you read or what did you do?” I just watched the clips of Diamond Reynolds, who was his girlfriend, speaking to reporters and talking to all of these news outlets. To me, it was so similar to that episode 5 scene with Taystee when she doesn’t let Judy King [Blair Brown] speak, because that’s the same thing I saw with her; she never let her lawyers speak for her. She was always the one on the forefront putting her voice out there and saying, “You will hear what I’m feeling and the loss that you have caused me and my daughter and his mother.”

As challenging as it was to shoot this, the work was done. That’s such an unfortunate place to be in. It actually breaks my heart that I wasn’t able to really just use my imagination as we do as artists. Instead, it felt so real. All you have to do is put your uncle, your brother — I have a brother who’s 22 — your father in [their] place. It really is devastating and it feels like we still have this noose around our necks as black people. When can we win? Not even win, but just be! When can we just be as equal as anyone else? When will justice be served for us and when can we get a moment to breathe and live in a fair world?…I’m just hurting.
…
I want to find beauty at the end of the road. I want to have hope for America. I feel like a big part of Taystee’s motives this year is to fight for justice but also believe that the system can change. That’s a big part of it. She’s pulling out all of the stops and doing all the research and speaking up for these women in hopes that this thing can change. We see at the end of it that they stand together and now she has a group of women that are standing for justice and she doesn’t feel as alone as she did earlier in the episode. I just hope that’s what we gain with telling stories that matter in that way — we can also take from these women and say, “How can I stand with my brother and my sister? How can I be there for a family that’s lost their loved one? How can I get involved in politics or local government or [how we] choose judges?” We just have to get more involved and be more informed on a much more [local] scale that affects our communities…and will ultimately affect the greater scale. We’re all in it together.

EW: There’s this inherent optimism in Taystee’s actions this season. Was committing to that hopefulness hard some days, or did you find it easy because it gave you a reason to keep hope alive for yourself, too?

DB: Definitely the latter, because I think when someone has gone through as much as Taystee has gone through, and especially when someone is dealing with grief, you kind of have two different routes that you can take: You can choose to take the death route where you are living in misery and depression and feeling like you have no reason to live, or you can say I’m going to take life even more seriously and cherish the life that I’ve been given. I know that’s the route that she’s chosen, which is hope and faith. When it comes to the society that we live in right now, I’d rather as an actor be playing that part of it. I’d rather be putting that energy out into the world. I can’t say that I wouldn’t want to do the other route because, as an actor, I wanna play everything. I want to get to play all different moods, shapes, and colors. Sometimes I think of acting in different fabrics. I want to play all different kinds of layers of a person, which I do think I got to do. Don’t get me wrong! Taystee went left, right, up, down. This season we got to see her stand up and have her moments where she feels like she’s going to lose it and crumble. But I do think the hope part matters — especially right now.

EW: Is there a general sense in the cast that season 7 might be the end, or do you hope Netflix could renew for another season?

DB: Who knows? We have until seven for sure. To be honest, I don’t know if I want to play an inmate past that. I don’t know if I want to do that because I have a lot in me and a lot that I want to share with the world and different characters I want to be able to bring to life. After seven, I think it might be time for me to spread my wings, but I don’t want to speak too fast on that.

The post Danielle Brooks On Art Imitating Life In “OITNB” And The End of The Show appeared first on MadameNoire.

When actress and writer Diarra Kilpatrick wrote and created her YouTube series American Koko years ago, a comedy about the Olivia Pope-esque E.A.R. Agency (Everybody’s A little bit Racist) that tackles “sticky racial situations,” she couldn’t have imagined that we were headed into a Donald Trump presidency. She also couldn’t have imagined that the cackle-inducing series would also garner the attention of Academy-Award winning actress Viola Davis and her husband Julius Tennon. The famous couple, who have a production company called JuVee, helped to bring the show to ABC’s streaming service ABCd, and it is finally available for streaming. We talked to the acclaimed writer about the inspiration for American Koko, the similarities between Kilpatrick and her hilarious heroine, Akosua Millard (code name Koko), and why a comedy about tackling the hairiest of racial incidents is necessary now more than ever.

MadameNoire: What inspired you to create American Koko? It’s hilarious by the way!

Diarra Kilpatrick: Thank you and I’m a big fan of your site by the way. I was watching a lot of shows like Scandal and Law & Order, and I thought it would be interesting to try to solve race problems in that kind of procedural way. There was this rumor going around that we were in a post-racial America because Obama was in the White House, but I was seeing race issues festering all over the place and I wanted to peel back that layer and talk about it.

And honestly, I wanted to create art with my friends. It seemed like a good time.

When you came up with the concept for the show and decided to invest your money and time to get it online, were you hoping to get it picked up for TV, streaming or just happy to get it out there in any way possible?

No, I wasn’t trying to get picked up for TV specifically. I was just trying to find a new way to express myself and the Internet was the perfect platform because no one had to grant me permission to exist there. What’s amazing about the Internet is anyone can crash the party and it looked like fun.

How did you find out that Viola Davis was a fan and JuVee Productions was interested in taking the series to ABC?

When I first got to L.A., I did a play with Julius, Viola’s husband who now runs JuVee. So I had their email and I sent them the web series in a group email with a bagillion other people I had met on my grind in L.A. Julius and Viola were honestly the last people I expected to hear from. I hadn’t seen them in a while. But Julius was the first person to call me. We had less than 100 views and he said, “We love this and we want to help you make more.” It was extremely validating because after I pressed that publish button on YouTube, I was a little nervous. I felt like I had had a baby and then let him wander out the front door. It was a very vulnerable time. So to get that validation from them so quickly was really nice.

Why is a series like American Koko, that you brought to life years ago, even more of a necessity in times like this (aka, Trump times)? And why is it so necessary to tell these stories through comedy?

We have a race problem in this country, flat-out. We always have, but I think Donald Trump woke a lot of people up to how bad it is. Bigots got mad bold after he won. Hijabs were getting ripped off. People of color were verbally and physically assaulted. It was crazy. But at least we’re all aware that this generation still has work to do. We can’t bury our heads in the sand.

In life, when people get uncomfortable they laugh or they chuckle to themselves anyway. So, I think when talking about issues on the third rail it’s great to lean into that. Plus, I wanted to keep it entertaining. I think short-form series need a little comedy to allow people to sink into the story faster.

How similar are you to the very blunt, let’s-keep-it-real Akosua?

[Laughs] There’s some similarities. My mom always told me she was very close to naming me Akosua, so she’s definitely an alter ego. But I’m definitely more shy than her and I hope more tactful. But to be honest, I put a lot of myself in all of the characters that I write. There’s a character in Season 2 who murdered someone. A loathsome character, right? And I thought, okay, what similarities do I have with this guy? How can I make this character human to me? Once I came to the fact that this guy loves Eddie Murphy just as much as me, I found a way into writing him. I try not to write any of my characters from afar.

What has it been like to have Viola’s guidance and support?

It means a lot. She’s in my top tier of queens! It’s Oprah, Michelle, Beyoncé, Shonda and Viola. So it’s pretty exciting that she’s been so good to me. She called me “the next big thing” in an interview and I had to read it back like 10 times. It was actually a little disorienting to have someone I have so much respect for talk about me like that. But I’m like if Viola says it, it must be true. Let me go to the gym and eat my vegetables. She said I was the next big thing!

The post American Koko‘s Diarra Kilpatrick On Using Comedy To Tackle Race And Getting Co-Signed By Viola Davis appeared first on MadameNoire.

You’re miserable at work. It seems like drudgery to get up and go into the office every day. You’d love to quit, but right now you just can’t make that move. While your situation may seem hopeless, this is the time to stay positive and keep up your morale.

“Identify even one good thing about your job,” suggested success strategist and social media expert Carlota Zimmerman. “Is it the brand name of the company? Is it the money? Are you given a ton of responsibility, so you’re learning a great deal? Does the company pay for you to get a grad degree at night? Identify at least one tangible perk, and go to town on it.

“If, for example, pretty much all you can say is that your commute is great, how about using that easy time to learn a foreign language on YouTube, or ride your bike to work? In six months when you’re speaking beginning Chinese, or 25 pounds lighter—or both—it’s likely that your newfound pride in your abilities will start your mojo working in other ways. It’s likely that having achieved a goal in your personal life, and feeling better about yourself, will give you the courage necessary to make long-lasting professional changes.”

One of the most important ways to keep your morale up in what you consider to be a dead-end job is to not give up on it. “Giving up only leads to more giving up, and when you give up on yourself…why should anyone else go the extra mile? Make a decision to not spend the day bitching about your job, and instead, in the morning write out a list of even three significant tasks you will complete this day. Keep yourself busy and focused. Challenge yourself,” noted Zimmerman. “If you’re feeling stuck at work, hate to say it, but responsibility for your career lies with you. So what are some next-level assignments you could take on that would get the boss’ positive attention? Resolve to do one today.”

Instead of spending so much time mulling over what’s wrong with your job, now is it a good time for self-evaluation,” explained executive coach Lori Scherwin, founder of Strategize That. “When you decide you want to change or are unhappy with a situation, often times it starts with evaluating yourself, what changes you can make in your environment, and how you view the world. It’s possible to see things differently with a new perspective, and often you’ll do a 180 and experience a positive shift in your life.”

Lastly, don’t think you can’t change jobs–even if it takes some time. “Make a plan,” said leadership trainer and professional coach Wayne Smalls, president of L. Wayne Smalls & Associates, LLC. “When you decide you want to quit your job, or end a relationship, or try that new skill – make sure you have a plan to get there. It’s one of the most important elements to help you get started on progress and keep you motivated. That said, it’s critically important to know what you want–and what you don’t want–to successfully avoid putting yourself in a situation similar to the one you are currently facing. Get specific – what does an ideal job look like to you? Vision it out, write it down, and go and make it happen.”

The post Stuck In A Job You Hate? Don’t Switch Jobs, Change Your Mindeset appeared first on MadameNoire.

Image via WENN 

Kenya Moore seems to be winning all around these days. In addition to getting married recently, the “Real Housewives of Atlanta” star also won a recent legal battle when a judge decided that she was entitled to a restraining order against her ex boyfriend Matt Jordan.

According to a report, a judge ordered that Matt is required to stay at least 200 yards away from both Kenya and her family members.

While Matt did not comment about the restraining order, but he did have something to say about losing Kenya to her new husband.

“As if the embarrassment from the show wasn’t enough. The false allegations of domestic violence, the unwarranted restraining order, the loss of business opportunities, money. My personal & professional image. I can deal with that. losing my queen is a blow I never want to feel again. Finding out she is married from stranger online. Realizing its to someone she was seeing during your relationship…this is definitely the season of losses for ya boy. TKO!! I made alot of mistakes, but I loved & cherished her. I can’t lie the news of this rocked me. I pray her heart is in good hands. Take care of her. She was everything to me. Just requesting to be left alone after this people. The fight for her heart is over. I lost!! Peace…#tko.”

Good for Kenya, Matt is just not about the right.

The post Kenya Moore Granted A One-Year Restraining Order Against Matt Jordan appeared first on MadameNoire.

The Kevin Hart we see today is in stark contrast to the Kevin Hart who stepped on the scene years ago. Not only is the new and improved Kevin incredibly successful, but he’s also packed on a lot of muscle.

The 37-year-old comedian has made keeping fit a priority these last few years, and it’s helped him get in the best shape of his life. It’s also aided him in scoring a deal with Nike. He is, for the record, the first comedian to sign an endorsement deal with the powerhouse sportswear company.

But one other great benefit of taking the “health is wealth” mantra to heart (no pun intended) is that he’s been able to motivate his son, Hendrix, to want to do the same.

The 9-year-old was captured in a pretty heartwarming video working out alongside his funny father in the gym. The two squat with weights (Hendrix’s are light, of course), lunges, step-ups and sit-ups together. Kevin leads by example in the clip, and it’s awesome to see:

When speaking on the fact that he’s become a spokesperson for a healthy lifestyle as a comedian, Kevin told Variety last year, “I’m a motivating force and an example of a mindset that everyone can have. When most people think fitness, they think of pro athletes at the highest level, but we can all bridge that gap. You don’t have to win a Super Bowl or Grand Slam or Tour de France to be considered an athlete. Everyone can push the envelope.”

The post Kevin Hart And Son Hendrix Spend “Father And Son Quality Time” Together At The Gym appeared first on MadameNoire.

Credit: J. Countess / Getty

Many a woman has found herself passing the time scrolling through Kofi Siriboe’s social media accounts, and if you’re one such fan or follower then you know there’s a lot more there than pretty pictures.

If Chance the Rapper is the posterchild for #BlackBoyJoy, Kofi could very well be the runner up, demonstrating non-stereotypical elements of fashionable cool at every turn. And somehow he manages to uplift Black women at the same time, routinely taking the time to praise the inner and outer beauty of Black womanhood and refusing to let anyone question his motives or stop him from celebrating us. How does he do it? The better question might be why does he do it.

“I love Black women, and I shouldn’t have to tiptoe around that fact,” the 23-year-old actor recently told Elle magazine. “That’s not to exclude anybody—I’m all about inclusion—but there is a lot of exclusion that happens naturally, systematically, and institutionally, to Black women.”

That love appears to be very much rooted in the affection and stability he’s received from the tribe of women who’ve surrounded Kofi his whole life, from his mother Koshie, aunts and even his friends’ mothers, to now Ava DuVernay and Oprah Winfrey, the executive producers who brought “Queen Sugar” and his character Ralph Angel, not to mention his acting career, to life.

“[My mom]…didn’t have the most loving parents in the world. For her to not have that, to be able to learn from the mistakes that her parents made, and to give love to her kids tenfold—I think that’s an example of what all Black women represent,” he told the mag. “You know, the world kind of shuns women in general, and if you’re a Black woman, I’m sure you feel that ten times more.

“So for a Black woman to feel that, and still find love within herself to give to her children, I feel like that’s just a testament to how Black women are in this world. They’re so resilient.”

And it’s that type of love, the actor said, that has helped him become the man he is — an open and carefree man — and to grow as an actor, particularly while being surrounded my another cast of Black women while playing the love interest of Jada Pinkett-Smith in this summer’s “Girls Trip.”

“To me,” he said, “that’s acceptance that the world doesn’t often give a Black man.”

Check out more of Kofi Siriboe’s profile on Elle.com.

The post Kofie Siriboe: “I Love Black Women, And I Shouldn’t Have To Tiptoe Around That Fact” appeared first on MadameNoire.

Can you imagine haveing to always be the spokesperson for your friend? Annoying to say the least. And frustrating to say even more. If my friend is not ready to talk about it, what I look like running to the media to tell all of her business to millions of people?

Still, as a journalist and just a nosey person, I can understand the curiosity. We all want to know how the newest additions to the Carter family are doing. But also, not anyone’s place to tell a story that’s not their own.

And in case you didn’t catch the memo, Kelly Rowland is not going to participate. To send the message, she posted this video on her Snapchat.

Lmfao at Kelly on Snapchat •SC: kellyrowlandxo – #kellyrowland #beyonce #beybies #snapchat #rowland ™@xoxobeyonce.beyhivexoxo

A post shared by Beyoncé (@beybleedblue) on Jun 21, 2017 at 1:37am PDT

Well, there you have it.

The post Don’t Ask Kelly Rowland About Beyonce And Her Babies appeared first on MadameNoire.

By Patricia Elie

During my teenage years, I remember my girlfriend’s father sitting us down and telling us that we should value our friendship because in life, we are lucky if we have one good friend. We responded with “Only one friend?” We couldn’t wrap our heads around why her father would think it was acceptable to have only one friend. That would mean we would only have one person to hang out with, one friend to shop with, and one person to share our secrets with.

As I got older though, it made more sense.

In high school, your existence revolved around your friends and how many of them you had. It was all a numbers game. Starting around that time, I reflected on my girlfriend’s wise father and began to realize that he was absolutely right. If you can get one truly good and loyal friend, you’re lucky. Trustworthiness is one of the most important qualities of a friendship. So a friend who thinks it’s okay to repeat any information you have shared with them to a third (fourth and fifth) party may inevitably destroy a valuable relationship.

Imagine that you told your girlfriend that you just lost your job. During the conversation, you explain to her that you do not know how you are going to pay your bills and ask that she keep the conversation about your circumstances between the two of you. But soon after you confide in her, you find out that she repeated the details of the conversation to a mutual friend in the hopes that this friend can lend you a helping hand. She meant well, right?

Or say that you’re going through a bitter divorce and you haven’t told anyone but family. Your friend confronts you and states that you are acting differently and wants to make sure everything is okay. You tell her about your circumstances and ask her not to tell others. Coincidentally, your girlfriend bumps into your estranged husband later. She tells him that she is very sorry to hear that your relationship is on the outs and encourages him to reconcile the marriage. She also meant well, right?

Well, I don’t know about you, but in both instances, I would be upset.

When a friend trusts you enough to share a private matter, they share it under the assumption that you will not repeat it, regardless of the blabbermouth’s intentions. If your friend wanted the world to know their business, they would share the news on their own. As a friend, it’s important to always exercise discretion when even thinking about repeating information given to you by someone who confides in you. I always put myself in my friends’ shoes and ask myself how I would feel if I was in their predicament. If I know I would be annoyed, upset or angry, then I keep my lips sealed.

We lean on our girlfriends in the hopes that they can be a listening ear. We allow ourselves to be completely vulnerable, hoping that they are listening with a nonjudgmental ear. We know that our girls have our backs through thick and thin and that the things we tell them, we share in confidence. As my friend’s father said, in life, we are lucky to have one good friend, so why damage that bond by talking about your girlfriend’s personal matters with others?

Check out the newest episode of Unspoken today and share your thoughts on this topic.

Patricia Elie is the creator and writer of “Unspoken Web Series,” a dramedy about five fabulously single life-long girlfriends from college who seem to break all the rules of friendship. Subscribe and Watch “Unspoken Web Series.”

The post Unspoken: Can You Trust Your Friend With Your Business? appeared first on MadameNoire.

Image via WENN

None of us can really know what’s going on with two people as their relationship ends. Lord knows we don’t have any information when it comes to Jesse Williams and the separation from his wife Aryn Drake-Lee. After all, the two played it very close to the vest. We never knew what was going on in their marriage; and now, nothing about their divorce.

But according to the latest headlines, the two are involved in an embroiled child custody battle.

According to US Weekly, Williams and his wife are both fighting for joint physical custody of their two children, daughter Sadie and son Maceo.

US Weekly reports that in legal documents, Williams writes:

“Aryn restricts my time with the children and decides when, and for how long I may have them,” Williams claims in the legal papers. “She has rejected, without any reason, each and every request I have made to have the children sleepover at my residence. On the few days that I have the children, Aryn has insisted that my time with the children be limited during the week to approximately two-and-a-half hours per day, despite my requests for more time, including overnights with the children.”

In response to his claims Aryn’s lawyer Jill Hersh responded in a statement to US Weekly.

“Protecting the privacy and well-being of their children is of paramount importance to Aryn Drake-Lee Williams. It is unfortunate that Mr. Williams has chosen to draw public attention to this difficult time and transition for their family. Aryn is solely interested in the best interests of their children, supporting a healthy relationship with both parents, and protecting the children’s privacy. Therefore, she will not comment any further on Mr. Williams’ unilateral and unfortunate public allegations.”

Hopefully, they’ll be able to move forward civilly.

The post Jesse Williams And Estranged Wife Aryn Drake-Lee In The Midst Of Custody Battle appeared first on MadameNoire.

Most of us look at Tracee Ellis Ross’ figure and think #Goals, but for a long time the actress didn’t think so highly of her physical features.

“I’ve always had a somewhat contentious relationship with my body,” she revealed to Redbook magazine. “I spent years trying to teach myself to smile in a way that made my top lip look smaller. A lot of that has to do with sexism and racism combined with the ever-changing tides of the culture of beauty. One minute, you’re supposed to be really skinny — the next minute, you’re supposed to have huge boobs. One minute you’re supposed to have no lips, the next they’re supposed to be full. No one can keep up! I finally got to a place where I was like, excuse my French, “F-ck that. That’s not fair.” So I got to then choose for myself what makes me feel empowered.”

Ross is the cover subject for Redbook’s July issue and in the feature story she talks about more than getting over her issues with her body but also her hair and even people who try to steal her joy. Funny enough, the 44 year old’s middle name is actually Joy — quite fitting, right?

“When I professionally changed my middle name to Ellis, my father’s middle name, my mom said to me, ‘I’m sad that you let go of Joy, but it’s OK because you’ve embodied it.”

She further told the mag, “I’ve always sort of cultivated joy, found a way to laugh at life, and that has amplified into a sense of self-care that’s also about finding serenity and peace with myself.”

It’s for that reason that, try as they may, Debbie Downers can’t really take what’s inside the comedic star, Ross explained. “There are joy stealers everywhere! Honestly, a lot of people don’t do it on purpose. Joy makes them uncomfortable. So I do my best not to take it personally. I will literally imagine myself moving out of the way and letting their stuff just pass me by.”

And if you happen to be stealing your own joy by being afraid to take healthy risks in life, Ross has some advice for you too.

“You don’t have to jump off the 31st floor of the building. Take the stairs, go at your pace, but push yourself a little bit.”

Check out the rest of her feature on Redbookmag.com.

The post How Tracee Ellis Ross Finally Said “F-ck That” To Her “Contentious Relationship” With Her Body appeared first on MadameNoire.

The post “The Body Achieves What The Mind Believes”: Quotes To Keep You Motivated On Your Fitness Journey appeared first on MadameNoire.

Credit: Getty

Baby Stanfield is here!

It wasn’t until March that we found out Xosha Roquemore And Lakeith Stanfield were expecting a baby and now their little one has arrived.

Xosha, 32, spilled the beans, accidentally it seems, when she reportedly tweeted a photo of her nursing a newborn baby with the caption “Mom.” Though the picture was subsequently deleted, yesterday we spotted a newborn baby in an IG photo Xosha posted of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie‘s latest book, Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions.

On top of that proof, tweets from 25-year-old Lakeith suggest the baby boy or girl was possibly born mid-month, with him noting a “new chapter” in his life and possibly alluding to the wonders of child birth.

Been in a a complete dream world past 24 hours

— Lakeith Stanfield (@stanfield_keith) June 12, 2017

New chapter

— Lakeith Stanfield (@stanfield_keith) June 13, 2017

Women are much closer to nature

— Lakeith Stanfield (@stanfield_keith) June 13, 2017

Xosha regularly showed off her baby bump on IG while she was expecting so we figure it’s only a matter of time before we get to see this little one’s face. Congrats to the couple!

The post Xosha Roquemore And Lakeith Stanfield Have Welcomed Their First Baby appeared first on MadameNoire.

Image via BigStockPhoto

After my unemployment ended, I accepted a job through a temp agency to supplement income while I freelanced. The job was at the Pure Group, a digital and advertising company located Midtown-East by Central Park. Initially, I was apprehensive to temp there because their Glassdoor rating and reviews are side-eye worthy and questionable.

When started I was trained by another temp who also worked in the media industry. She found a new job at Hugo Boss and declined the Pure Group’s permanent job offer. After she left Pure Group, I managed the receptionist duties and sample outreach because they have an organic snack brand and sunscreen brand. Everything was going fine. No one bothered me but eventually, that changed.

Pure Group used to share their office space with another company who recently found their own space. To say thank you, the other company held a happy hour in Pure Group’s kitchen. They bought red wine, chips, dip and Ghirardelli Chocolates. Although I didn’t stay for the happy hour, I saw my supervisor and other staff members take part in the activities (i.e. eating the chocolate, chips, and dip). On Monday, the CEO of Pure Group came to the office and saw the Ghirardelli Chocolate on the kitchen counter top. He spoke to my supervisor who lied and told him I ordered the chocolate.

Afterward, my supervisor sent me an email stating that she would have to look over my Fresh Direct food orders when I order groceries for the company. Although I didn’t understand why she lied and felt the need to micromanage me, I replied “thank you for the update,” and also proceeded to refresh her memory regarding who brought the chocolate on the premises and remind her she was in attendance at the happy hour. Also, I didn’t work a full work week to order new groceries for the company so it would be impossible for me to order candy.

She never responded to my email but of course like every other passive aggressive White woman her behavior became cold towards me. Prior to this incident, no one told me that candy that is not under the Mars brand could not be on the premises. Which is understandable. But the principal of the matter is, my supervisor shouldn’t have lied on me.

After this incident, if I needed help around the office (since I was new) she would not help me. After working there for two weeks,  she told me this past Monday, that she hired someone last week Friday,  permanently, and it would be my last day.  I wrote two emails to the temp agency regarding her unprofessionalism, their lack of communication  and the trivial behavior I was exposed to. My mom told me to keep the peace but I feel as though when you work as a temp or receptionist, people don’t think you have adequate work experience prior to being placed in such a position, so, they feel like they can treat you any type of way.

I wanted to share my story because I feel as though many Black employees or even grads believe if they “keep the peace” they won’t upset people who clearly don’t have their best interest at heart and lack integrity.

The post Working While Black: I Was Fired Over A Ghirardelli Chocolate appeared first on MadameNoire.

I never realized how much of an impact hormonal imbalance can have on everyday women who are dealing with menopause, pregnancy, menstrual cycles or just taking medication until I had a talk with a friend about how much our periods suck. I griped about the fact that I get angry, break out and bloat heavily (with a desire to eat everything in sight), but her situation was much more alarming. While she made it clear that she had no desire to harm herself, she admitted that a wave of depression usually takes over during that time of the month. She, at times, feels like she doesn’t have the will to live, and birth control seemed to just make things worse.

What the hell was I complaining about?

With such major highs and lows in mind, I sought clarity from Dr. Erika Schwartz about what’s really going on with our hormones. She is the author of the new wellness book, The New Hormone Solution, as well as the founder and medical director of Evolved Science in New York. We talked to her about the causes of hormone imbalance, the impact it has on us and the best way to deal with it.

MadameNoire: What advice do you have for women seeking to deal with their hormones outside of using birth control?

Dr. Erika Schwartz: I’m not a fan of birth control pills because they suppress natural hormone production and leave women with menopausal hormone levels at age 18. I help women balance their hormones naturally with bioidentical/human identical hormones, diet, exercise, lifestyle changes and supplements.

What causes hormone imbalance?

Life. Whether it’s PMS and acne as a teen, postpartum depression as a 20-something, weight gain in the 30s and beyond, loss of sex drive and then menopause, these are all issues caused by hormone changes. The changes occur naturally as a consequence of aging, stress, environmental factors, sleep deprivation, poor diet, lack of or over exercising — pretty much everything.

What are the symptoms of hormone imbalance that we should be aware of?

Acne, headaches, PMS, postpartum depression, anxiety, palpitations, night sweats, insomnia, hot flashes, skin rashes, itching and new onset allergies. Also loss of sex drive, weight gain or loss, irritability, depression, food cravings, recurrent urinary tract infections and joint pains, just to name the most obvious.

Why does hormonal imbalance lead to “devastating conditions” like infertility, postpartum depression, insomnia, etc.?

Left untreated, these symptoms of hormone imbalance over time will lead to chronic illnesses affecting quality of life initially and ultimately quality of life.

Is it true that chronic stress can lead to hormonal imbalance?

Acute and chronic stress do cause hormone imbalance, yes.

So how do things change as we get older and what can we do about it?

With less hormone reserve and less ability to make the correct hormones at the needed time, with age, we experience more symptoms all at once. That includes hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, weight gain, fatigue, loss of libido, flabby skin, anxiety, depression, etc. We also develop chronic illnesses if we don’t address the hormone imbalances, supplement the hormones, change our diets, improve exercise routines, sleep 7-8 hours a night, deal with stress, and take the proper supplements. If we do, then the aging process treats us better.

The post An Expert Breaks Down Hormonal Imbalance And What You Can Do About It appeared first on MadameNoire.

One of the best things about attending a wedding is seeing the amount of love the bride and groom have for each other, as well as the incredible support system that the couple has in family and close friends who come to witness the special occasion.

Some of this support is provided through traditional speeches and is often given by the best man and maid/matron of honor at the reception. However, I recently attended a wedding where the mother of the groom gave words of encouragement and told a few personal stories. During her lengthy yet poignant speech, she made the following statement about her son: “He loves his momma, takes care of his momma and will always take care of his momma.”

My jaw dropped, along with the jaw of just about every other guest at my table.

Although the rest of her speech continued, I couldn’t really focus as I was fixated on that one statement. Why would she need to tell my friend, the bride whom her son loves, let alone the rest of the room, that her son will always take care of her? What does “take care of” really mean? Was this a warning to her new daughter-in-law?

The assumptions could continue on, as I don’t know how her relationship has been with the bride thus far, but her words were direct and intentional, which leads me to believe one thing: She expects nothing to change. After the mother of the groom made her statement, a friend leaned over to me and asked me, “Has she read the Bible?”

I remember reading the scriptures that pretty much give an overview of how to prioritize the people in your life when it comes to your marriage: God is first, then your spouse. One verse explicitly lays out what a husband should do upon saying “I do.” According to Ephesians 5:29, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

I’m pretty sure that God doesn’t want a married person to stop loving their parents, but the above verbiage does say leave. As in, cut the cord.

Now, would I expect the groom, or any other married man, to completely cut off his parents? Absolutely not. But it’s expected that he will focus on building his own family and will have the support of his parents in doing so. Therefore, I have to wonder about the thought process of the groom’s mother in making her statement. In fact, it made me wonder about all women and their expectations when their sons gets married.

If the relationship is a great one, I’m sure a man’s first love is his mom, and there’s no doubt in my mind that it’s hard for a woman to see her baby boy acquire a new leading lady. Still, there need to be boundaries.

Unfortunately, I’ve heard from some of my friends and peers that some men they’ve been with have a hard time standing up to their mother. It’s like they have a fear of disrespecting her when attempting to communicate; therefore, they choose not to communicate any issue and fail their partner.

I would sincerely hope that my friend, now a newlywed, can effectively communicate to her husband if and when she feels her mother-in-law is overstepping her boundaries. But as someone who watched that speech firsthand, I can say that there’s no doubt that she already has.

What is the best way to ensure that you mother-in-law is respectful of your marriage?

The post Who Truly Comes First, The Wife Or The Mother? appeared first on MadameNoire.

Remy Ma has been very open and honest about the losing her last child due to an ectopic pregnancy.

Thankfully, because she’s financially good- there are ways for her to maneuver around her condition.
And now she’s lending her voice to other women who might find themselves in a similar situation but may not have the means to change their situation.

As we’ve reported before, Remy Ma was carrying her child in her fallopian tubes which resulted in a miscarriage. Her doctors told her as a result, her tubes had been damaged and she would not be able to conceive naturally.

In a recent interview with Essence, she said: “First I was distraught, I was embarrassed, I was ashamed, I felt less than a woman and [the doctor] assured me that was no way to feel and that for a certain amount of thousands of dollars, it can be fixed. And because I have the finances, I never even thought twice about it.”

But that’s not the case for everyone. Realizing this fact, Remy Ma announced that she is launching a fund for women like her.

“It wasn’t until I publicly spoke about it that I realized how many women are in the same predicament as me where they actually can have children, they just need an assist from medical procedures and they can’t because they are not financially stable enough to do it.”

Procedures like in vitro fertilization can cost anywhere from $12,000 to $17,000 per treatment. According to Huffington Post, while many more women are beginning to invest in the procedure, there are still so many who can’t afford it.

During her conversation, Remy Ma even spoke about politicians and lawmakers who have been silent about issues such as these.

“It’s just weird to me that if you want to terminate a pregnancy, you could use your health insurance; however, if you wanted to conceive, health insurance doesn’t cover that. So I’m looking at all of these politicians that claim that they’re pro-life and they want to eradicate women having the choice to terminate their pregnancies, but if you’re pro-life, why would you not set up something so women who can’t conceive and women who want to be mothers can do so.”

You can watch the full interview in the video below.

The post Remy Ma Launches Fund To Help Women Who Have Trouble Conceiving appeared first on MadameNoire.

Naturi Naughton has been turning heads for weeks with her red carpet pregnancy style and the beauty of her maternity photo shoot will absolutely take your breath away.

Naturi was photographed by Joey Rosado who brilliantly captured the actress’s maternal glow, enhanced by body paint and a fitting crown braid adorned with butterflies.

Other photos feature the 33-year-old and her partner Ben in what she considers their first family photo shoot, demonstrating their love for one another, their growing baby, and for Black culture in general. As Naturi explained to Essence.com:

“We both just really appreciate Black culture. Ben wore a shirt from Ghana and my theme was ‘It takes a village to raise a child’ for my baby shower. We just always try to incorporate African proverbs or Kente cloth or using different images to celebrate this beautiful Black girl that’s coming into the world. I think in society we get so caught up trying to assimilate and be like other people, but in reality what we feel is that we just want to celebrate who we are.”

Naturi added that she doesn’t “feel crazy pressure anymore” to rush and marry Ben, explaining that the two are doing things in their own timing.

“Naturally, the way I grew up and the way I was raised…I didn’t anticipate being pregnant at this time. Of course I wanted to be a mom and have children, but the reality is God’s plan is not always in alignment with my plan,” she said. “I wanted to do it my way, but it doesn’t always work out that way. I still think I can still have that dream, and I want to be married — and I will — I think we’re just taking it step-by-step and not worrying about what other people’s judgments or thoughts are because at the end of the day, they’re not living for me, or for us.”

Besides, the starlet already has two great things to look forward to this summer. The first being the return of Power on Starz June 25, and the second, her first child.

“I feel really happy; pregnancy has been good to me. I’m in love, I’m looking forward to just sharing this next level of life. My whole life has been about working and being in the girl group and being on stage and being an actress, but now I get to really enjoy a bigger purpose, which is motherhood, so I’m really excited.”

The post Naturi Naughton’s Pregnancy Photos Will Make You Melt appeared first on MadameNoire.

Whether or not your date likes you

Having an active social life

Being an exact weight

Your entertainment budget

This ache, that pain

How quickly you’re achieving your goals

Perfecting your relationship with your family

Whether or not your relationship will last

Accidentally offending somebody

Job security

Visiting crowded places

Your relationship timeline

What people think of you

Being original

Change

The post Things You Stress About Too Much appeared first on MadameNoire.